So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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