Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize