Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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