peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
