some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
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