You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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