just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
