I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
