you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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