Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
