Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
