Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
