Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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