I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize