I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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