I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
