she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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