I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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