And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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