I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
