Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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