I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
