I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
false alarm, still single
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
