Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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