Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
