I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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