THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
