how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
only you would photoshop your dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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