upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
