we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
