Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this beer tastes like vomit already
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
