you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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