We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize