I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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