Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
