just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
