So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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