Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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