Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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