love makes seman taste better
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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