I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
