She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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