id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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