Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
