ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
