i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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