I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
