your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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