break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
bring money and cleavage
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
