me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
