She is in my trunk
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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