well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
