people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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