ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize