Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize