thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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