cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
