So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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