I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
