my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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