My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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