Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
